How very excited my son's mother must be that 4 Justices bought into her lies and deception. She hasn't even considered the effects this will have upon our son.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Kentucky Supreme Court Rules Truth Doesn't Matter
I was hoping the Kentucky Supreme Court would end the nightmare for my son and I, but today they chose to make the nightmare a reality. Today the Kentucky Supreme Court in a 4 to 3 decision decided that I, as the father of my son, have NO right to petition the Jefferson Family Court for custody and visitation of my son Julian Anthony. The 4 justices have in essence terminated my God given parental rights without allowing be a day in court. They decided that a presumption is more important than the TRUTH. The majority claims that I could not prove my son was "born out of wedlock" and subsequently the Family Court lacked jurisdiction and I lacked standing. Something really stinks in at the Kentucky Supreme Court!!! Basically the majority say the Constitutional Rights of this father and his son are meaningless. Click here or on justices to read the 47 page decision (it almost reads like Charlie Ricketts wrote it himself?):
How very excited my son's mother must be that 4 Justices bought into her lies and deception. She hasn't even considered the effects this will have upon our son.
How very excited my son's mother must be that 4 Justices bought into her lies and deception. She hasn't even considered the effects this will have upon our son.
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47 comments:
James and the entire Rhoades family,
I am so sorry. I had high hopes that your situation would result in a much different outcome. My heart goes out to you and to your son with much sympathy.
James:
I am a friend of Stephanie's and found your blog through her. I have been reading your blog for a while and am so sad and disheartened today. I pray that you and your mother will find peace in this horrible situation. God loves you both.
Remember, "All things work together for good to those who love the Lord and are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
Today, there is no way to know what that good is, but you must believe God's promise.
I honestly cannot believe this! I don't know your financial situation, but I hope you take this to the supreme court. How can they say you don't have right to your son????? It just doesn't make sense to me - at all!
I sent you an email when I wasn't able to comment on here a while ago.
I am so truly sorry for the horrible outcome of the courts ruling. It is awful for you, your parents and family and for Julian.
Please know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers daily.
Lynda
My mother is totally crushed right now. It's so very painful to hear the heartache in her voice. My son's mother has totally disregarded me and my son's family. Please pray for Julia Ricketts as she lacks any sense of decency. And please continue to pray God protects my son until him and I are reunited when the U.S. Supreme Court rules in our favor. Thank you in advance.
James,
I am sorry to hear this. It's incredible the thought process (or lack thereof) that could have led to this decision.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do next.
--Pam (a supportive lurker)
James, I am so sorry to hear of this ruling. I agree with the other comments - you should petition the Supreme Court. What's happening is really wrong. "Out of Wedlock" shouldn't have any bearing, because as you well know, one doesn't need to be married to conceive a child. It's a heartbreaking situation I'm sure, but I hope you continue your fight.
James,
I am so sorry.
Please know that God has not abandoned you or your son. There is a bigger purpose here and one day you will be reunited with him.
Please keep fighting. I know it is hard when you feel that every last part of you has been drained. But your son needs to know that you never stopped trying.
If there is anything I can do to help---please let me know.
Sincerely,
Mrs. H
James,
I am the student that worked on your brief this past summer for the KY Supreme court...I am no longer working for John and Troy but I have been keeping up with the outcome of the case.
I wanted to express my condolences, I feel the KY Supreme Court has done a terrible injustice to you and that beautiful son of yours. I hope you can console yourself by knowing that you did everything you can. I am not sure you new plan of action, but I am deeply disappointed that this state cannot support a loving father like you.
Good luck in the future and again I am so sorry
Hello,
My name is Denise. If you need anything what so ever as far as you getting justice my email is prettiky23@yahoo.com. This is truly an injustice, a slap in the face.
James - I am so sorry. Can you appeal this to the US Supreme Court? I can't believe that the "sanctity of marriage" overrules simple genetics. You are Julian's father. That should be all that matters.
I am so sorry that this is the decision presumably intelligent judges have come up with. It truly disgusts me that I live in a country where the "rights" of a mother to continue to lie are somehow more important than the rights of a father. This is a true injustice to you and Julian. If there is anything at all we (as your readers and supports) can do please let us know.
James
I heard you on the radio this morning. You left out the part that you were going to take Julian back to Fla and rename him. How is Jon and Julia supposed to take that. I know Jon Ricketts and know for a fact that he is a wonderful father to Julian and loves him very much. You have caused enough damage to a family so why dont you go back on the internet and try to find another victim. Maybe you will have better luck with someone elses wife.
I am so sorry for you and your son. I hope you continue the fight to the US Supreme Court. I cannot imagine your heartache. Please know that there are many people out there who do not really know you but are praying for you and wishing you success in your long journey. Please keep up your fight. Your son needs YOU1
So much for the truth huh James. I dont see my posting anywhere out here. I guess you have final say on what responses you want to post.How many other negative postings have you failed to put on here? These look pretty hand-picked. So much for the truth!!
Anonymous (someone who knows Jonathan and Julia)I want it to be cyrstal clear that I'm not afraid to post the things you are saying. And just because you say something doesn't make it true. First, Jonathan is only my son's step-father. Second, I hope is being wonderful to my son. Third, I do want to have Julian's last name changed to mine (I actually offered for it to be hyphenated Rhoades-Ricketts for as longs as Julia remains married to Jonathan). Fourth, during a time when Julia was talking about killing herself I did say Julian should come live with me. Fifth, as Julian Anthony's father he will always be welcome to live with me and I'll encourage that if he desires when he grows older.
I've never tried or suggested that Julian should be taken from his mother. I've always wanted our son to love her and Jonathan. This is a very difficult situation made a hundred times more difficult by Jonathans and Julia's attempt to cut me out of my son's life. I never wanted things to escalate to this level but they decided they wanted to keep my son from me.
So I ask you, what would you have done? Would you just say, "well they don't think I should be able to see my son and they don't think my son should be able to know me or the truth so okay and walk away?" that would be crazy for any parent to say. I don't want to fight with Jonathan and Julia but I don't want to lose my rights as my son's father.
I've went almost 2 years with Julia repeatedly telling the Courts I'm nothing to our son, while knowing full well I've always been his father. I've unsuccessfully begged her to develop a fair parenting agreement with me. But as you say, which you must of gotten from her, the affair was all my fault. Both Julia and I have admitted it was not right nor fair to the ones affected, but she wants me to lose my right to see my son so her and Jonathan can pretend none of this happened. Again, I ask you, wouldn't you fight to be in your child's life?
If you do know Jonathan and Julia, I encourage you to tell them to pick up the phone this evening so we can put this terribly ordeal behind us and do what's best for Our children. Like it or not, we are all connected now. We can straighten this out so no one is a bad guy and so the kids make it through this with the most minimal amount of pain. Again, your their friend, tell Jonathan to call me. I've always been open to fix this and will always take their call.
One other thing...Anonymous (someone who knows Jonathan and Julia)...sorry about not putting up your comment as fast as you would like...In my defense...I just found out I might have to wait 16 years to see my son again...and for that and many other reasons I'm operating on very little sleep...I make sure to check for posts quicker....and just so you know...I've posted all comments and will continue to post anything you have to say...trust me when I say this is not fun for me nor has it ever...maybe I haven't always made it easier but they haven't always made it easier either...like I said...Julia I know you and your family look at this blog...I encourage you and Jonathan once again to contact me so we can end this foolishness and begin the healing process...we've all suffered enough...please let's not make our children suffer
jgr
I never said that I agreed with the decision by the courts. I truly feel sorry for your situation. You made your bed, so sleep in it. But do not drag Jonathon thru the mud by trying to save HIS family, not yours. No matter what you have been told by Julia or anyone else, Jonathon is a wonderful father. Thank you for posting my messages, and i understand the delay.
Long ago I told Jonathan and Julia's marriage counselor...that Jon trying to fix his marriage was admirable, which was right before they had their marriage counselor dangle my son above my head after 5 months of alienation. The marriage counselor said they would only let me see my son if I signed the mediation agreement I already turned down and then they only let me see my son for 15 minutes. Talk about a slap in my face.
Regardless, when Jon says he's the father of my son and that my son and I have no right to a relationship his actions are no longer admirable. All I've ever wanted is to be able to participate in my son's life as his father. Before that 15 minute visitation, I had requested an opportunity to apologize to Jonathan but he didn't want to hear it. See Jon said a few things in his deposition that seemed positive but then refuted them with other statements. In the end, this is just a very very difficult situation.
Trust me, this could all end if Jon and Julia just pick up the phone so we can find a resolution like adults who care more about our children than ourselves. However, since the start based on their actions and petitions, I believe the only resolution they desire is to cut me out of my son's life. I dread to think of all the heartache this will result in if our children discover this truth when they become adolescents. Children are resilient, it would be so much easier to solve it now when they are young. I don't want my son to hate his mother or Jonathan, for no parent should desire such an outcome. But I do want my son to know me as his daddy, to know the truth (as painful as it may be, which we'll tell him together when he is old enough to understand), and have the right to have me participate in his life. And I especially want my son to know his grandparents. See what I want is not that difficult or unreasonable, but when you put Jon's dad into the mix it all becomes messed up. He really should of minded his own business and let me, Julia, and Jon work this out on our own.
Regardless, I'm ready to fight if I must, for there's nothing more important to me in the world than my son. It was never about hurting Julia for it's always been about participating in Julian Anthony's life.
I am a middle aged woman now. I was about Anthony Julian's age when my mother and stepfather took me and my siblings out of the country! I was a teenager when I found out I had a biological father, that my sisters father was not mine. So many lies and deception.
I was very angry!
It took me years to find my father and his family. Looking back. I would have accepted both men in my life and probably been better off for it.
I DO NOT HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY 72 YEAR OLD MOTHER.
Sad, yes. True, yes. It did not have to be that way. She made selfish choices. I paid a price by spending a life time trying to sort things out.
How can you possibly trust anyone when your mother betrays the ties to who you are? Not what she wants you to be.
Sad, sad, sad. That's all that comes to mind when I think about this outcome. James is a genuine guy that just wants to see his son. His poor mother can't be a part of her grandsons life. Julia made her bed, so she needs to lie in it and accept that fact that a child was concieved with another man who has a heart of gold and wants to be a loving father to his son. Cut the crap and stop the madness. James WILL NOT give up and shouldn't give up.
When he called and told me the verdict, I got chills all over my body. It is sickeing. As much as someone may think that because James slept with a married woman (who was more than willing to participate, I might add) has no rights. Why does she have rights? It was 50/50. Not 1/99. Maybe Jon should be blammed for this because he couldn't fulfill his husbandly duties. LOOSER!!! You're are a shmuck and so is your dad. A big fat ZERO! And Julia.....little Julian won't be little forever and he will one day know the truth. Give up now before it's too late. He WILL resent you for keeping him from his Daddy just to protect your little perfect (HAHA!!) family. KEEP FIGHTING JAMES; YOU WILL WIN.....Even if it's in 16 years when Julian finds out the truth and HATES HIS MOM and wants to be with you. Your friend ALK~
I love my brother very much and I thank you all for praying and supporting him in his time of need.
You made your bed, now you have to lie in it I suppose. You have totally gone off the deep end with this and should consider getting some mental help for yourself. You blame Jonathan Ricketts and every one else for all your troubles. You drove the whole way from Florida to Kentucky to sleep with the man's wife! I applaud him for staying with her and for raising another man's baby like his own. You twist the facts to write your own story.
The mom of James and our little lamb Julian Anthony.
First of all I want to thank all of the wonderful people who have been praying for and supporting my son James and our little grandson Julian Anthony.It means so much to us, as prayer is what the Lord has called us to do. when James called us to tell us about the courts decision I thought my heart would break. I have so looked forward to meeting my little grandson and now that has been taken away from me. I called out to God in my hurt . I just couldn't understand how this could happen. Not in this day and age.Julia once said to me that I was an innocent party in all of this., but so is little Julian and its hard to understand how a court system could not stand up for the truth.
I have always taught my children that you should always tell the truth know matter what. The Bible tells us that the truth will set us free but this is one time it didn't happen.
It makes me wonder what has happened to our court system. What my son did may have been wrong but is it so wrong to want to try to make things right by supporting his son and to want to spend time with him? I can understand that Julia wants to keep her family together but It took 2 people to make this little boy and I feel he has a right to see his Dad. Please pray for Julia, Her husband and the boys.
I pray that some day we will be able to forgive one another and
God will help us to reach out to each other in love.
Please continue to pray for our family as I think there is still more to come and we are going to need God's guidance and wisdom. I trust the Lord and I know that He works all things In His own good time.
I hope and pray that Julia will find a way for James to see his son,as he loves him dearly. From his loveing grandmom.
You made your bed...why don't you tell us who you are???
Last time I checked Jonathan Ricketts was the one claiming to be a father of a child that's not his, for 19 months in Court. The Ricketts knew the whole time I was the father but delayed the legal process by playing dumb. Oh well...I realize I have to shoulder half the blame. I think I've paid a pretty hefty price so far.
Anyway...people like yourself continue to consider the affair and the rebuilding of a marriage primary while the best interest of my son is secondary. You've got it all wrong, for children should come first and everything else second. The simple fact is that this all could of been handled maturely if Julia would of told the courts the truth but Jonathan would not let her.
I know Julia loves my son but I believe she's not thinking straight or about the longterm. And what makes you think I drove to KY? This is how I know you're very close to the situation. You say I twist the facts to write my own story...am I twisting the facts when I say Julian Anthony is my son? Do I twist the facts when I say not telling him the truth is horrible? Do I twist the facts when I say at the time my son learns everyone participated in the coverup he'll be devastated? It's all common sense but it can all be avoided. It's not too late for Julia, Jonathan, and I to work this out. There's been too much pain on each side. We can fix this so no one is the bad guy and so our kids can grow up healthy. They have my phone number.
Yes, anyone that doesn't agree with you must be part of their evil plot! You know that most of the people that "comment" on your case are your friends and relatives.
I actually READ the visitation agreement that you have posted and it is pretty generous. You could see your son every week if you wanted and you could hear about everything going on in his life. You, and you alone, have CHOSEN not to see your son because you did not get "your way". You yourself say that you asked for full custody.
You say that the Ricketts are lying to their children, but you have no idea what they are saying to them.
Yes, anyone that doesn't...
Look I don't know who you are, I only asked that you identify yourself. Obviously some of the comments on here are from friends and family, so what.
I sure would like to see the parenting agreement you were reading cause it's not the one I posted. No where does it say I'd get to see my son every week, don't I wish. What you don't understand...if I don't establish legal rights than Julia can cut me off from my son at anytime...just like she's doing now. And just so you know...attorneys negotiate by inserting full or sole custody. Since you read the parenting agreement you know that Julia wants sole custody...but I guess that's okay. See she wants to have the ability to cut me out of my son's life at her whim.
To be honest I don't care what the Ricketts say to "their" children Vincent and James, what I care about is what is said to mine and Julia's son. Anyway you frame it...keeping a child away from a loving parent is wrong! I never asked for the moon nor would I. Of course I've posted before in frustration that I'd like to have full custody of my son, but only so I could ensure he'd have a relationship with both of his parents.
In the end my son will be deciding whether Julia or I acted out of love and unselfishness. You'll never know how badly I wanted to take a deal to see my son...but I never believed I could trust them. It's hard to trust them when they're going to the Courts to strip me of all my rights and saying oh but we want to work with you.
Anyway, the truth is out now and people are entitled make up their own minds about the situation. I believe that biological parents should share equal rights to visitation and custody. And Julia knows that I've always wanted joint custody...Julia and I had daily discussions about everything up until the day she told her husband.
Anyway, at this point Julia has decided to make my son live a lie. And she will never be able to tell him his REAL father didn't want to be in his life (all the records will attest to that). Basically, she is setting my son up for a huge amount of heartache, which could easily be avoided. She knows I never asked for anything unreasonable. Is too much to want to see my son and know how he's doing?
In this country I believe the U.S. Constitution protects the fundamental liberty of mother and father to participate in their child's life. I suppose since Julia doesn't agree we'll see if the U.S. Supreme Court does. And by the way...up to this point...7 out of 11 judges have agreed with me. Hey we could avoid all this silliness if Julia would just pick up the phone so we could handle this like mature adults.
"Anonymous" is probably a relative of the Ricketts. So what if everyone posting comments on here are friends and relatives of James. It goes to show you that he is loved and supported by many. James will prevail and I can't wait to see the day!
Alana...I respect the right of those commenting to remain anonymous although it seems shady. If they are friends or family of Julia or Jonathan why not just admit it? I've learned the hard way that being truthful and up front is always the best policy.
And I realize some people agree that I should fight to participate in my son's life while others think I should just walk away. Of course I respectfully ask those who think I should just walk away to walk a mile in my shoes.
Do they think my son will consider me a sperm donor like his mother claims? My son will know that his REAL daddy did everything in his power to participate in his life. My son will know that his REAL daddy loved him so much that he never gave up on him. My son will know that not a moment goes by that his REAL daddy doesn't think of him. My son's mother insults her own son by calling me just a sperm donor. It's so very hard for me to believe she thinks the truth doesn't matter.
The truth is that I'm the REAL father and only daddy to Julian Anthony. The most Jon will ever be is my son's step-dad, which isn't a bad thing. However, lying to a child about who you are and lying to a child about why you're keeping his REAL daddy away will always be wrong. I again invite Julia to contact me.
James, I can't wait for the day that you bring Julian home to Delaware and he can play my my kids. I can't to meet him!
Alana...I greatly appreciate your confidence but the deck is stacked against me and my son.
I want to speak on the issue you brought up though about posters hiding behind anonymity. I know why they do it. Let me give a related example and then explain.
Julia's older sister, who still lives in Louisville, had a boyfriend and became pregnant by him and had Julia's neice. Her sister believed the little girl was her property and totally tried to cut the father out of her life. The father of Julia's neice didn't agree with the setup and insisted to participate in the girls life. Of course Julia's sister was unmarried but had her daughter "out of wedlock" just like us.
Fast forward, how would Julia's neice feel if everyone refered to her REAL father as just a "sperm donor" and as a father didn't matter at all? For it is equivalent with saying her neice's paternal heritage is insignificant and worthless? I'll argue that Julia's neice would argue that her REAL father is just as important as her brother's father/step-dad. I wonder how the neice would feel if her REAL father went along and didn't want to see her and participate in agreeing his connection to his daughter meant nothing?
I tell that true story to say the following. People related to Julia and Jonathan do not want to be identified because my son will discover how they felt and what they said. We can ask Julia's neice how it would feel if she found out right now while just becoming a teenager that her mother denied her a relationship with her REAL father? Lying to kids about who they are and where they came from is wrong. And denying a child the right to have a relationship with his father is equally wrong.
And for the record, Julia's sister has a blended family of sorts, albeit she married some time after having her daughter, and my son's cousin has turned out to be an exceptional young lady. But think how she might have turned out and the amount of pain she could have experienced if her REAL didn't insist to participate in her life.
This is why friends and relatives holding the opinion that lying to my son and denying me participation in his life won't identify who they are.
I mention one of Julia's older sisters to make a point in the last comment and now I'll mention one of her other olders sisters. I actually like the one I'm getting ready to speak about, for she was the only person that had the common decency to let me know my son and his mother were okay after revealing our affair to Jonathan Ricketts.
Anyway, this other older sister of Julia found herself in a situation very similar to mine and Julia. She had her daughter while having an extra-marital affair but learned shortly after the birth it was her husband's child. The sister left her husband for her lover and married him, which ended in a divorce a few years later. Julia's family would never accept what her sister did nor would they accept her new husband. Throughout the difficulties of Julia's sister the sister didn't want her daughter's father to see his daughter, claiming the girl suffered seperation anxiety from her mom.
Here's my point...I bet if we ask this other neice of Julia, who just became a teenager, if she wished her mother would of kept her from her father the answer would be NO! See children love and need both of their natural parents. Who cares that this sister had an affair or that the other sister had a daughter out of wedlock, for the Nuss family accepted the actions of their daughters and didn't hold it against them (well except for laughing at them behind their backs, especially the sister I like).
But in my case...the Nuss family are going to make my son feel like a second class relative. When he finds out that they've kept the truth from him and kept his father from him, my son will most likely hate and despise them forever.
I do not hate Julia or her family, for I'll always be connected to them just like the fathers of Julia's neices, but I'm very disappointed that they want to lie and deceive my son in order that Julia can save her 2nd marriage.
Maybe I've been way too tough on them, but I believe they are encourages Julia's actions. Plus, one of the few things that Julia told me that I believe, is that her family will never accept me. She they can forgive and love their own daughters and sons but do not afford such forgiveness or love to their grandchildrens' fathers.
It's pretty amazing that the Nuss girls are such a wild bunch. Oh I forgot, none of it is their fault. I suppose honesty isn't the only thing Pawpaw and Mawmaw forgot to teach their grandchildrens' mothers, for they also neglected to teach them about responsibility.
The Nuss grandparents are taking out their anger on the fathers of good grandchildren. What ashame to spread such hate and animosity towards my son and his cousins.
I don't know who's going to teach my son or his brothers Vincent and little James the value of honesty and decency? These are values and qualities those holding my son hostage lack or even understand.
One more quick comment...if those judging my actions as wrong and Julia's actions as pure were relatives of Julia Ricketts I think we've seen the last of their comments. Heck...if they won't identify themselves they certainly won't acknowledge what I've said.
Of course, now they realize Julia also has loose lips. It may make them wonder what other sordid details Julia told me about them and Jonathan's families. They need not be anxious for it will all be in the tell all name all book! For instance, here's a fact that Julia lied about in her deposition...Julia and I met and spent time in more than just a hotel, for we spent a night in her neice's room as my son's brothers lay asleep in the next room. Bet she never told anybody bout that? See she's very selective bout the truth for she only tells it when forced.
Dear Father of Julian:
I am glad to see you have this blog for us Americans and Parents that completely disagree with Ky's ruling. I read the article in the Courier Journal and have been disgusted since I read it. I know there have been other instances in other states with the same type of ruling. Each and every time this occurs it is COMPLETELY wrong.
I understand there are old rules in place that the Court used to rule on, but come on!! They date back prior to DNA testing. This is a shame.
Did anyone consider the child? How great is it that 3 people want to be his parents!! This child has the unique opportunity to have a larger circle of family members that will love and advise him through his entire life. Where is the common sense behind the justice cloaks?
I am equally shocked at the name calling of the Mother of this child. She is the child's mother. So you had an affair and a child resulted, this does not make her a slut. Judging her is just as bad as this terrible decision by our courts. It sounds like she is a confused adult that has dug herself a hole and doesn't know how to come out. I hope she is seeking the help she needs, so she stays with us in this world. We don't need another Anna Nicole story!!
Please keep your fight up!!! When you are low remember you are the father of this little boy, and fathers will stop at nothing to provide for their children. I wish you the best luck of the world and hope there is a resolution to this horrible situation. The poor innocence of a child is being exploited!!
I hope the mother and step-father read your blog. I hope they realize that this boy needs you as much as you need him. I hope the good comes out of this fight!!
Take care and Stay Strong!!
A mother in Clarksville, Indiana
Hello. I made this post to your blog, I hope it went through. (I admit the world of blogging has passed me by, so I made the post as 'anonymous'.) Anyway, I said that if you wanted my email, since I feel odd being 'anonymous', I'd email this as well so you could verify that this email address is genuine. Anyway, I hope this went through ok on the blog. And my sympathies to you and your family.
I find this horrific, and I hope it goes to the US Supreme Court to be soundly overruled.
I myself *am* a child of an affair. My father was the 'married man', my mother, the 'other woman'. But I was still raised by *both*. Yes, *both*. They both made sure to stay in my life. I simply cannot imagine being an adult as I am now, and not knowing who my parents were (I say 'were' because father is deceased).
In a lot of ways, my background has actually made me stronger. Having both of my parents and knowing they genuinely cared about *me*, the person they brought into this world, went a long way toward most of my successes in life. I stayed away from drugs/alcohol/sex, salutatorian in college, etc. I'm now in my late thirties and happily married to the man I've been with for nearly eighteen years.
A lot of people (often betrayed spouses, in their anger) would like to think that children of affairs are somehow doomed. Guess what, we're not. Just give us the love of our *parents*, that's what we need.
(If you'd like my email address, just let me know and I'll email. Actually, I think I'll email this anyway, just in case, so that no one else could jump in and try to impersonate me.)
I find this horrific, and I hope it goes to the US Supreme Court to be soundly overruled.
I myself *am* a child of an affair. My father was the 'married man', my mother, the 'other woman'. But I was still raised by *both*. Yes, *both*. They both made sure to stay in my life. I simply cannot imagine being an adult as I am now, and not knowing who my parents were (I say 'were' because father is deceased).
In a lot of ways, my background has actually made me stronger. Having both of my parents and knowing they genuinely cared about *me*, the person they brought into this world, went a long way toward most of my successes in life. I stayed away from drugs/alcohol/sex, salutatorian in college, etc. I'm now in my late thirties and happily married to the man I've been with for nearly eighteen years.
A lot of people (often betrayed spouses, in their anger) would like to think that children of affairs are somehow doomed. Guess what, we're not. Just give us the love of our *parents*, that's what we need.
(If you'd like my email address, just let me know and I'll email. Actually, I think I'll email this anyway, just in case, so that no one else could jump in and try to impersonate me.)
I have a feeling I will be in the minority here , so I hope you will still post this.
Before my horrific experience of a psychotic interfering with our family, and trying to break it up with adultery, I probably would have not agreed with the Kentucky Supreme court.
Having been through the experience, for the sake of a family and marriage - they need one thing only and that is to heal.They need their space away rom the continued reminder of the horror committed to that marriage.( I am not excusing the mom here ! )
This is more likely why they so strongly need normalcy - not just for the couple, but for other children, and for the sake of the marriage.
So now, I do agree with the Kentucky Supreme Court.
What I have witnessed as complacency about adultery ,in the law, and among lawyers and general public, even among clergy ! ....and the lack of ethical standards resulting in eroded families, and marriages, its time someone finally started putting a lid on the so called rights of those who destroy couples and families. This I say in light of the fact that the mother DID repent her misdeed - at least as far as I read ( for lack of better way of saying it )
I had to really think whether I would post the above comment but unlike my son's mother I believe both sides should be heard.
What is missing in the above post is any mention of my son. It talks about a man breaking up a marriage by exclusively putting 99% of the blame on him (not sure if they are refering to me since they won't identify themself).
It's so sad to think my son's mother's marriage is more important than her own son. It breaks my heart that she puts that before all the children. I begged her to work with me but she continually refused. She wouldn't even admit to the courts that I'm our son's father when she knew this was true. Her, her husband, and his father wanted to play a game of legal manipulation while disregarding my son. And now they want Louisville and the nation and probably world to feel sorry for them because I'm struggling to be in my son's life by revealing the truth.
Julia I never wanted things to come to this but you decided the relationship between our son and I was insignificant. I would never seek to keep you away from our son but you've done just that to me for 20 months. And all because I wanted you to tell the courts the truth so I could establish legal rights to our son.
We both know that affairs are wrong but so is lying to our child, lying to the Courts, and keeping me away from our son. You've always known it's about Jul but you told Jonathan it was about you. I've wanted to fix this from the start, fairly, and I still want to fix it. Let's come together and develop a fair parenting agreement that works for everyone and puts the interests of our sons first.
And to the above commenter...I believe the best interest of a child should always come before the best interest of the marriage. And I'm sure you're right...there's no doubt Julia and Jonathan want this to all go away...but I want to participate in my son's life. Why can't we have both???...It's because Julia has always refused to accept responsibility for her actions.
And I forgot one thing...the reason why things won't go away and why I can't participate in my son's life is because Jonathan Ricketts has put conditions on remaining married to Julia. It's clear as day that he has given her an ultimatum...basically saying she cuts me off from my son or he'll divorce her and probably take the my son's brothers.
So anyone thinking Jonathan is innocent should probably re-evaluate the situation. And his father Charlie Ricketts is the real interloper...for he should of kept his nose out of mine, Julia, and Jon's business.
>away rom the continued reminder of the horror committed to that marriage.
>that the mother DID repent her misdeed
But that "horror" will always *be* part of that marriage. You want the reminder to go away? Guess what ... *she* is the one who committed adultery against her husband, and that's not going anywhere unless *she* leaves the marriage or someone around here invents a functioning time machine. The reminder will always be there. The reminder is the wife herself. If the commenter who made those remarks is a betrayed spouse, then I suggest they know that themselves, and darn well.
And here's another thought to chew on. You realize that time will not freeze. This child will grow up, and when he turns 18, he will know his biological father. With the whole thing hanging this far out there in the news, it could never be kept a secret again, even if the mother moved to Timbuktoo.
Children become adults. Adults who can think for themselves. How do you think he'll feel, once he's an adult, looking back at how so many adults lied to him (or at the very least pulled him away from the father who *clearly* has pictures to prove there had been bonding) as he grew up?
If you think the answer is "he won't care", then you need to take a good look at groups like "adoptese" and other gatherings of adopted children. Particularly those who were lied to while growing up. He *will* care, and he won't like having been lied to. This could, and probably will, backfire on the Ricketts, and in a big, bad way. .... Time does not just 'stop' and remain static.
Despite such a giant step backward by the Kentucky Supreme Court, so many other countries, having already been facing this brave new world of blended, non-traditional, single, divorced, adoptive or otherwise "different" family units, have been deciding on this issue in terms of "THE RIGHTS OF THE CHILD".
The United Nations has declared that every child has the right to know who their biological parents are and to have a relationship with them.
According to a recent study by the Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto, Canada, an amazing 16% of all children are born this way, so the issue is not as isolated as one might assume.
Since this issue of "secrecy" vs. "privacy" so closely parallels the issues of adopted children, courts look to the findings of child psychologists who have been dealing with those issues for years. You cannot pick up a credible book on adoption issues without finding ample information absolutely recommending that a child be told who their biological parents are from the earliest possible age in order for them to make the best possible adjustment. None recommend waiting until the child is older than 10 and all warn about the serious implications that result from waiting to tell a child until they are an adult. Serious trust issues and "Bad Seed Syndrome" are just a couple of the traumatic results of waiting.
So it is very surprising that this particular court would selectively ignore DNA, the best interest of the child, the statements of The United Nations and the overwhelming recommendations of so very many childhood experts and in fact Court Order a lie.
Their attempts to "legitimize" a child through that lie creates a different problem still. Since all children are created equal in the sight of the law, then every child is valued, precious and "legitimate", no matter what their biological parent's background, (race, creed, colour, sex, disability, orientation etc.). So this decision creates a new constitutional class of child as either "legitimate" and valued as a child of a marriage by means of a lie or "illegitimate" and therefore of less value because of the truth of their parentage. This historical "back of the bus", "bastard milado son of a plantation owner" mentality was forced out of existence for good reason. This decision heads right back there.
At this time, I watch closely, a very similar case near Toronto, Canada. At a recent case conference, a judge told the mother and her husband that the child will know who his father is and will see him. The case is before the courts and Canadian Family Law does not look kindly on either lying or stepping on the rights of any child. It would be very interesting to share all of the research and recommendations with you so that you can continue to fight for your child's rights.
I am not a family member nor do I know James. I found his story via http://stephaniesplace.wordpress.com . Mr. Ricketts may be a great father, and he may be a great step-father, but that is what he is to Mr. Rhoades son and that is all he will ever be in reality. His connections and influence may have won him and his wife victory in their case, but it is a hollow one. As many commenters have written, the person that is most affected by this is the child. All of the adults need to quit worrying about their lives (i.e. their marriage) and do what's best for this child, which is to allow him a relationship with his biological father. James may have been an interloper to the marriage, but she invited him in and now she and her husband have to face the consequences of her action because they are married. If Mr. Ricketts doesn't want to deal with the fallout from his wife's affair, then he needs to get a divorce, not try to pretend that the affair never happened and that the child is his. That is wrong wrong wrong. My cousin found out his father wasn't his real father when he was around 17 and he went totally downhill after that - got on drugs and eventually committed suicide. When you hide things from children you damage them forever. The truth shall set you free.
Though not quite the exact situation, I and my sister were essentially taken from my father, who was never married to my father. I was 4, she was 2. Nothing bad happened, but my mother was very submissive to whatever man she was married to at the time. She always lived the "white picket fence" life, and all the world loved her so and defended her against my "evil" dad. She was strong in the church, school etc, and all thought we lived a very good life.
However, she liked to purge the past (my dad), and did this by false acusations against my dad, threats of rape, violence etc. My dad had no choice but to stay away for all of us, for our safty.
When I was 15, her second husband tried to do the right thing and let us see our real dad. My sis and I had secret contact with dad, until mom found out. Things turned ugly quick, with her trying to go back and get child support for all the past years, more threats etc. A year later my sister killed herself, citing this situation in her last words.
Just before turning age 18, I left home. I never have spoken to my mother, and even considered doing something horrible to her for what she did. I still have contact with her two EX husbands, the ones who raised me. I ended up moving in with my real dad, and we picked up where we left off. I regret very much the time I lost with him, just as your child will. I KNOW HE WILL. Keep all these records, as his mother will not tell him the actual truth. You will need this proof to show your son when he looks for you. I hope it doesn't come to this, and that your son handles things better than my sister. Hopefully the step dad will do what my "step" dad did, and try to patch things up.
On a different note however, this ruling will also affect many dads paying child support in these situations, as they shouldn't have to anymore since they have no rights. I just came across your situation and will follow it closely. You need to keep fighting. I wish my dad did, though don't regret he didn't since he likely would have been in jail under false charges.
I pray for you and her, that she finally makes the right decision, before it is too late. Hopefully her frieds will help prevent a tradgedy.
James,
I truly admire you for your efforts to be a daddy to your son.
It's a sad thing to admit, but at 33, cases like yours are one of the primary reasons I am not a father. Such legal fictions are used to turn us into second class citizens.
I love my wife, but to have a child and to know that she could take him away at any momment, for any reason, and courts would support her decision? That unless I could manufacture lies about her being a junkie or something I would automatically lose?
I'm still suprised anyone ever trusts that much, when the current state of the law erects walls between men and their children in so many ways.
This is a gender discrimination case, plain and simple. If the gender roles were reversed, and the wife of a man who fathered a child outside of the marriage tried to steal the child from the biological mother, she would be laughed out of court.
It's time we reconsidered and rewrote the ERA, and pushed it through in a form that actually gives both genders equal rights.
That sad truth is that many a deadbeat dad is a deadbeat precisely because they fear what you are going through. They fear bonding with their children, only to have them snatched away at someone elses whim.
I don't know WHAT Julia is thinking. This is the 21st century. What is she going to tell him when he's eight and he googles his own name at school, only to find out he has a real daddy who has always loved him?
Any jerk can be a father...you're a Daddy. I saw the pictures.
Stay strong, James. A couple million people read that story in Time and felt for you, and for Julian Anthony Rhoads.
If you need any financial help persuing your case, please put a link on your site to a place folks can donate. I'll keep checking.
I hope my son's cousin Alexis can help him get thru this terrible experience, for I'm sure she remembers how it feels when a mother keeps her child from their natural father. I wonder if Pawpaw and Mawmaw Nuss supported Deb's actions like they are supporting their baby daughter Julia Ricketts? Let's hope my son has more of my DNA, for the Nuss DNA produces people with questionable values. At least my son doesn't have any Ricketts DNA, for that would be even worst than Nuss DNA.
Hi
James, I first want to say that I have been praying for your son and this very sad situation. I am impressed by the way you have continually defended Julia's actions and have blamed her enviorment, family, upbringing, ect for her actions. This woma has made these poor decisions and uless she is mentally challenged, I am hard pressed to buy that she is 100% resposible for her actions.
Next, I noticed that you quote God's Word and many Scriptures thropughout your various websites. I am sure you are aware that Adultry IS SIN. Have you truly repented and ask God to forgive you for having an affair with a married woman? Surely you know this was against God's word. We cannot just pick and choose Bible scriptures and the Word of God to suit our selfish needs. I am not meaning to pass judgement but in praying for you and your circumstances this has been weighing heavy on my heart. God DOES forgive us for our past transgressions, but we have to ask Him for forgiveness and really admit our sins.
I don't know, but the way I see you defending Julia I have a sneaky suspicion that you would take her back if given the chance.
Anyhow I would hope this is not the case. I know you desperately want to be involved in Julian's life and I don't blame you one bit. You should be in his life as YOU ARE his father.
So you made some poor choices, but it appears that you have stopped, however Julia continues to live a life of deception buy her own choice,
Lies and deception will ALWAYS create more lies and deception. The truth sometimes gets so buried when people like Julia choose to continue prepetuating teh deception adding more lies. Don't blame anyone but Julia for these lies. Her track record speaks for itself based on her infedelity and I think she would do this again if she could get away with it.
You were played by her, an innocent victim of her web of deception that you bought into. Sure you mistook her lies for love and a baby was created, but I do not for a minute think that Julia is capable of real love.
I will continue to pray for you and Julian. Your parents and your son are victims of this mess. When people cheat or have extramarital affairs alot of other innocent people get hurt.
So my advice to you is to tell God you are sorry and ask Him to forgive you.
Stop defending Julia and just keep focused on God and your son Julian.
God knows your heart and in due season your prayers will be answered.
"The freverant prayers of a righteous person availeth much"
God Bless You.
Maryann
James,
I left a comment but forgot to ask if there was a way I could donate a little $omething to help you with your case. I am not rich by no means but as an adoptte that was lied to I wish this kind of deception on no one.
The feeling of being decieved by your parents is beyond any other possible violate of trust and love. I also want to say, that my adopted parents ARE the greatest parents in the world, it was my biomom that forced them to lie to me for 48yrs. She would threated to take me back if they ever told me. The only agreed to the lies out of fear and despite all that I love them more than ever.
Anyhow, I would like to be able to help you in any way I can as I know others would also like to donate to help you.
God Bless,
Maryann
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